Dressed

This dress hung in our closet for months.  Haunting us.  It is Baby Allegra's burial gown.  The gown was handsewn by my mother who later confessed sewing it was the hardest thing she's ever done.  It is made from fabric left over from my similarly-styled wedding dress.  The pink flower over the heart is actually six smaller flowers I made to represent each member of our family.  Cairo and I wore larger versions of this flower to her funeral.

Last week we went to the funeral home to see Baby Allegra for the last time.  She neither looked nor smelled as I remembered her, but I needed to hold and dress her once more.  When I laid the gown next to Baby Allegra, Mitch quietly commented, "Damn that gown.  It sat in our closet for so long, reminding us of the inevitable."

Mitch and I removed her pink tee and gently rubbed Baby Allegra with the pink lotion that makes my babies smell like mine.  We dressed her in the gown and snugly wrapped her in a soft, fuzzy blanket.  But no matter how tightly I held Baby Allegra, her little round nose remained cold as it pressed against my chest.

After holding her almost non-stop for the 29 days previous, the hardest part of our last visit was putting her down on a large table in a lonely room before walking out.

Sung

Klein's tribute to Baby Allegra: "I miss you Baby Wegwa!"

Mourned

Dear Baby Allegra:

You died one week ago today.  We had a lovely funeral for you this week.  Lots of loving family and friends came to celebrate your short, sweet life.  But the only person I wanted to see was you.

Love,
Your Mom

Communicated

Balloons Announcing Baby Allegra's Birth

I napped yesterday morning.  For a few minutes I felt a warmth on my chest as I laid on the bed.  It was the same warmth I felt when holding Baby Allegra on my chest to sleep--my heartbeat soothing her.

And last night, after her funeral, the sunset was pink.

She must miss us too.

Graveside Service for 

Allegra Sprouse Pulley

Wednesday, June 22 at 7pm

At the Cemetary of Bayleaf Baptist Church

12200 Bayleaf Church Road

Raleigh

Although we are not members of Bayleaf Baptist Church, they are graciously providing space for Allegra so she remains close to home and in view of the church's children's park.

Gone

Baby Allegra passed away at 6 this morning.

She struggled with severe congestion all night making it impossible for her to eat or sleep. I spent the night holding and comforting her.  After sitting outside to watch the sky lighten and hear the birds chirp, we walked inside and she died in my arms.

Her tiny, sweet spirit changed us as we worked to make her quick life a happy one.  She is already missed.

We will post funeral arrangements here at the beginning of the week.

Celebrated

Dear Baby Allegra:

You were born 4 weeks ago today.  I don't know how to do this.  I'm happy.  I'm sad.  I'm scared.  And I'm attached.  Maybe this would be easier if we tried not to love each other so much.

Love,
Your Mom

Wished

Today Levi said to me, "Mommy, I wish Baby Allegra could stay with us her whole life."

She will.

Day 27

Unfortunately, Baby Allegra was grey today so she spent much of the afternoon and evening on oxygen. During feedings she would then turn purple because breathing WHILE eating is sometimes frustrating.

The good news?  She was surrounded by the fun, noisy chaos of siblings playing with cousins and held by adoring aunts and an uncle.

The picture at right shows Baby Allegra spending time with her big sister Cairo.

Styled

Two swirls of hair on the sides of Allegra's head meet in the middle to effortlessly form this mohawk.