Wednesday, June 1, 2011


I let myself buy clothing for Allegra yesterday.  I ran into Gap and bought a few pink preemie onesies and a pair of teensy lavender pants with ruffles on the bum.  The purchases felt happily hopeful yet restrained by Allegra's unknown life span.  I didn't allow myself to buy much and I wouldn't buy anything the next size up no matter the sale price or cuteness factor.  Standing in the store surrounded by clothes for growing kids made me ache.   And wonder.  And appreciate the now.

Day 13 Update: One apnea episode that turned Allegra purple.  One new sleeper worn.  One diaper messily fell off.  Then one new onesie worn.  One visit from the hospice nurse.  One helpful grandma left.  One loving aunt left.


  1. Insights into this beautiful experience are life changing and heart felt. Really, words can't express the feelings that are stirred as I read each post. Thanks for sharing your words and strength. She is so precious.

  2. …one loving, beautiful daughter…

  3. You are all superstars!! Just wanted you to know Angel Allegra has another guardian angel here on earth praying for her well being. Her cousin Chase sends all his love and prayers to you all. I told Chase I think missionaries and children have a direct line to heaven so please dial up in your behalf.

    Jen and family

  4. Tag says, "Allegra is cute. It looks like she's smiling!"
    Every new baby should have a little something new to wear (especially if it's pink or has ruffles).

  5. My two girls, Julia and Katharina, are also overwhelmed by little angel Allegra and they want to see her pictures over and over again!
    I also think every new baby should wear something new!