Monday, April 11, 2011


We have no previous experience planning a burial and little experience with death and grieving. Knowing our baby won't live long though has forced us to do some research. This is called "making arrangements" in the biz.

The first time I called a cemetary, I didn't even know what to ask. I explained our situation, said I'd never done this before, and a kind woman then shared how details of a burial are handled (and priced). The first time I called a funeral home was harder. I listened as the process of picking up a body, embalming it, dressing it and making funeral arrangements were explained.  The man was gentle in presenting the generalities of his business, but discussing some of the more delicate details made me ache.

In an effort to exhaust possibilities, we've visited multiple cemetaries in the area. We've begged a nearby church to let us buy a plot (no luck, wrong religion, no exceptions). We've discussed "the portability" of cremation versus "the final resting place" of burial. We've price shopped the services of several funeral homes. We've looked at grave markers and considered flower arrangements. There are no firm details yet, but we have the information to feel comfortable in our decision making when the time comes.  Frankly, we genuinely feel lucky to be able to do such planning now. To make such decisions without prior warning would be excruciating.

After visiting so many cemetaries, I'll never look at a silk flower arrangement the same way again.  Ick.


  1. Thank you Ali. Reading your blog will be the spiritual highlight of my days. How could we even move without that flicker of understanding?
    Allegra: perfect name, perfect girl.

  2. Do you need me to pull my 50% catholic card?

  3. Ali,
    When we went through this with Zachary, the funeral home in Utah provided all services at no charge. We were later told that was pretty typical there. Also, no embalming was required, but NC may have different laws. It was very nice to just have them help clean up his body, then let Katie and Tagg and the rest of the family dress him. It was a combination casket/vault. We used a family plot so did not have to purchase one, but there was a small charge for opening and closing the grave. Don't know how any of that will apply to your situation, but thought we would share the info. Best wishes and love to you and your family. As you said, no matter how this plays out here on earth, you will have great joy with her at another time and place. Our love to you. Duke and Lynette